Someone to Save Me
by Lily Thorne
Summary: One-shot on what went through Freya and Elda's heads before they fell asleep.


_How isn't it natural, that he is the Someone Just for Me? He is always kind, and he loves me. He loves all of us. I shouldn't, though. He loves Mommy. I'm happy for them . . . if I can be happy. Am I allowed? There are so many things I can and cannot do. Can I feel? Do I hate, love, cry, and laugh? Is it real like Mommy and Daddy's feelings are? I think so. Elda is happy, isn't she? Is it Fake happy? Or is it Real? _

I love Daddy as more than just a Daddy. He made me, and Elda. But he loves Mommy, and I can't take that away. Why is he the Someone Just for Me? Why can't it be someone else?

I don't understand.

It hurts so much. Why? I feel it right here . . . in my chest. Like someone pulling at me, trying to tear me apart. I don't like it – it feels bad. Somehow, I know that he is the Someone Just for Me, but I can't have him. Still I hope.

Feeling again . . . isn't it Fake? I thought it was, but then why would it hurt so much to see him? I love him, but I know now. I watched Mommy and Daddy working with the other dolls – dolls not like Elda or me. They look like us and walk like us and talk like us. They are us, but they're not. They don't feel . . . but neither do we. We Fake feel, but we don't feel, like Mommy and Daddy.

Mommy and Daddy are Real. We are Fake. We can't feel. But then how can I have Someone Just for Me?

I wish that I didn't feel at all. Even Fake feeling hurts.

It's getting harder to move.

I'm almost stuck now. I can't focus.

It spread from my chest, where it hurts the most. It's a Fake feeling, I know it. My eyes are blurry, I can't make anything out.

I broke down yesterday, and Elda helps me. I love her so much . . . my dear little sister. She never stops helping me. I really think she knows. She's like a little kitten, Elda. She notices everything, her curiosity driving her to do anything just to know. She hasn't left me once.

I hope she never feels this way. I've found my Someone Just for Me, but it's not supposed to be him. I'm supposed to want someone else, not him. I wish . . . I was his Someone Just for Me. I can't move anymore, not my head or my neck or my arms or my legs or anything. I'm lying here while Elda's dressing me, chattering.

Daddy called us his Chobits. He calls the others Personal Communicators – Persocoms. Mommy laughed at him. Why can't I move? I think I might shut down. Everything weighs so much, like I'm sinking. As I sink it stings, like . . . I can't understand. I want it to stop.

Why won't the Fake feeling stop?

Nothing works anymore. I forget things. I woke up Mommy and Daddy and Elda last night. There was someone in the room, and I didn't know who it was. Daddy put a chip in me.

It was just the cleaning Persocom. I'm plugged in now, swimming in wire. They're pretty like ribbons. I wish I didn't have to stay in here, tied up like a gift. I'm not a gift; I'm a curse – a burden on Mommy and Daddy. I wish I could stop.

My Someone Just for Me is not for me. This hurts so much more than ever. It makes no sense. We all have a Someone Just for Us, and I have found mine. Why am I not his Someone Just for Him?

It's coming to a standstill now. This feeling inside my chest – like I'm breaking. It's not sick, or hurt, or sad – none of the Fake feelings I know. It's impossible, improbable. Someone's taken strings to me and tied me up, but I can't see the string. String like ribbons. Ribbons like wires. The wires keep me awake. What if I took out the ribbons?

Would I go to sleep?

I can't move. My eyes are blurry and stuck, staring straight up. Mommy and Daddy don't work with the Persocoms any more, they're trying to fix me. They can't, though. Nothing can fix me. Elda comes to see me all the time. We read things, nice things. Not sad things, there are too many sad things here.

She reads me a book called 'Great Expectations'. Mommy gave it to her. I have to explain so much, she's so new to this. The ceiling is moving. It is getting later, and the machines are shutting down. Elda has to go soon.

Mommy and Daddy never sleep, never ever never. They're trying to fix me and I know they can't. I wish I could tell them to stop, that they can't pick up all my pieces. This Fake feeling has finally torn me apart, and it feels so bad . . .

Maybe I should give up. If functioning is going to hurt me this much . . . I want to stop. I am Mommy and Daddy's daughter, and Elda's sister, but if I can't make myself move then why should I stay? My body isn't mine . . . I should give it up.

I want to give up.

. . . This place is like Hell, they call it Passiondale. Today we attack, there's no turning back. The boys, they're all ready for the fight . . . Bye-bye Elda, I have to go fight now. I'm fighting to stay awake, for you and Mommy and Daddy. I don't want to, but I love you all so much that I have to, because I don't want you to be sad. Be happy, Elda.

I heard Mommy crying and I think it's my fault. I think I've broken her, too. I'm so sorry, Mommy. I didn't mean to break you. I just broke myself, and it wasn't even on purpose.

I'm sorry, Mommy.

Please stop crying, it scares me. It's another Fake feeling but since your tears are Real it makes the feeling Real and it hurts more than any of them. It takes my breath away, it chokes me, hurts me. I don't like being afraid. Please stop it, Mommy. I'll try to get better, I promise. I just hurt. Please stop crying, it's not your fault. I promise to get better. Stop crying STOP IT!

Maybe if I stop working Mommy will stop crying. Maybe Daddy will sleep again. Elda doesn't mind, but I know she's worried. She has Fake feelings too, but not like this one. Not yet. I hope she never does, because this one is bad.

Mommy and Daddy come to say goodnight. Mommy goes to bed. I have to tell. Maybe then I can go to sleep and they can be happy. Daddy . . . you're the Someone Just for Me. I'm sorry.

Make it stop I can't take it it hurts it hurts it hurts make it stop MAKE IT STOP—

I think I might be happy again. I don't want to be. I'm so happy, but it hurts more. I want to be hurt again. Daddy says Mommy is the Someone Just for Him. I'm so happy that he loves her so much but I still hurt. I'm supposed to be happy now. I am happy, so happy that Daddy loves Mommy with all his heart. This was supposed to fix me, I was supposed to get better. I'm worse. I want to get better want to do better want to . . .

I'm going to go away, and I will not remember. I'm going to shut off forever. It's time to meet the end.

Elda is opening the door. What does she want?

* * *

Freya's lying on the ground. She has ribbon-wires coming from her ears. Mommy and Daddy don't know I'm here. Freya is hurting. I think I knew before I knew. She looks at Daddy with sad eyes, and there's something wrong with her.

It started little. She'd forget something, couldn't focus. Things got blurry, and she tripped. Then it got worse. She stopped being able to move, she stutters. Not she can't do anything but lie there and wait. I think she wants to give up.

Daddy knows and Mommy knows but they can't fix her. I'm so afraid. There's nothing they can do. Will she shut down? I don't want her to shut down. I want to help . . .

It's sad watching her. She can't move, doesn't want to talk. I want her to stop it. I want her to come be my big sister again. I want her to hug me and play funny games with Mommy and Daddy and me again. I don't know why she can't move. Mommy cries and Daddy never sleeps. I used to read to her. We don't do that anymore. I think reading would have been better than this.

Freya, you're scaring me. Stop it please please stop it stop it PLEASE FREYA STOP! I can't watch you lie there. Can I help you? Can I take it away? I can't do this without you. You're Daddy's other Chobit, Mommy's daughter . . . my sister.

Who's going to explain things when I don't understand? Who's going to hug me when I cry at night and Mommy and Daddy can't hear me? Who's going to play dress up and help me learn and play and laugh with me? Who's going to do everything that I do with you when you're gone. I can't let you go away, Freya. We need you too much.

Do you want to forget all your memories? Do you want to forget your Someone Just for You? I don't think you want to lose all the things that Daddy did for you, all the time you spent. Do you want to forget Mommy and Daddy? Do you want to forget . . . me? Do you want to forget all the memories that make Freya Freya?

I'm going to help.

Give me your heart, Freya. Let me keep it safe for you. Let me keep you here. Come stay inside me and stay safe. Before you disappear . . . come stay with me. If you stop working, you will forget. Is that what you want? Don't you want to know us anymore?

Give me your hand, big sister. You help me so much. You fix things explain things and do all the things that you can to help. It's my turn. I want to help you, Freya. I love you and I don't want to let you go. Don't leave us alone here. It's not fair! You can't do this to Mommy and Daddy and me.

Mommy and Daddy work so hard, they're trying to make you better. It's not working, you're not getting better. I don't want to lose you.

It's scary, you're so distant. I promise I'll help. Come inside me, stay in my heart. You can stay there forever and never sleep. I might not wake up, I know. You don't want me to. I'm sorry Freya, but I have to. I'm looking at you and you're so sad. Why can't you see that I just want to help? Even if I have to go away and never see anyone I know ever again . . .

You're worth it.

I promise I'll give up everything so you can sleep and be happy. It's all I want, is to see you smile. maybe I'll wake up somewhere else. I won't know who I am, but that's okay.

I do not want you to lose your heart and all the precious memories that make you Freya. Even if I'm not supposed to have two hearts . . . even if I will lose my heart and all my memories . . . I don't care.

I do not have a Someone Just for Me yet – I do not have enough sad memories to make me break. I love you and Mommy and Daddy, but none of you are my Someone Just for Me.

He wants us to be happy, Freya. You're not happy. I feel so bad inside, watching you here. Even if I forget, you will be inside me. You will have all of my memories too, so they will not be lost. Anything I have worth remembering is in you.

If I forget everything, I hope I go somewhere where someone else will find me. Maybe I can find the Someone Just for Me and be happy. Except I wouldn't ever be alone. You'll be there with me, watching me, helping me. You promised!

That's right, you promised. You promised me that you'd never leave me alone. I won't let you leave me alone. You want to be better. I'm going to take you away, somewhere far from here. I want you to be happy. I'll help make you better, Freya. I won't let you shut down. You are my sister . . . my twin. We are Mommy and Daddy's daughters.

I'm going to sleep . . . and when I wake up, I won't remember anything. That does not mean we are not still Mommy and Daddy's daughters. When I close my eyes, I want them to take me outside. I want them to make sure I don't find out about my old life.

If I did . . . I could choose Daddy as the Someone Just for Me. I can't let that happen. I have to find my own Special Someone. Someone who loves me for me . . . someone I love for them . . . I am sad to leave Mommy and Daddy, but I am okay.

Freya will watch over me from inside . . . we will find someone we can love like Daddy loves Mommy, someone we will be happy just to be close to. Someone Just for Me. I love you Freya . . . Mommy . . . Daddy . . .

Goodbye.

* * *

. . . Freya . . .

. . . Elda . . .

Why are you doing this?

Elda . . .

I don't want you to ruin your life.

Mommy is crying again.

They shouldn't worry.

We'll be okay.

You'll look after me, like you always do . . .

I'm so sleepy . . .

Thank you Elda.

I'll take care of you.

My Someone Just for Me

Didn't love me the same way.

When I wake up

I want go somewhere

Somewhere where I can find

Someone Just for Me . . .

Find your Someone Just for You, little sister

I'll watch over you

From inside . . .

To make sure you find

True happiness.

._Oyasumi Nasai . . ._

_

* * *

_

Disclaimer: I do not own Chobits, or 'A Song for You' by Chris de Burgh. I refuse to remove that little line from the story. This has lost a lot of mood/theme/meaning/whatever you want to call it because of the loss of lyrics.


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